Time for a makeover

Time to update this blog. But first - a new look. Then I'll come back and post something

I love my mum

I'm Not Pregnant

(phew)

... but, I am very sore. After a trip to my GP, who is very nice except for the pushing and prodding of my sore belly, I now have to go get an abdominal CT, bloodtests, etc tomorrow and then report back. It's turning into quite an adventure, this little pain - The Quest for the Source of the Mystery Pain!

But in the good news area he didn't say 'run to hospital now! something's gonna explode!'

I did, however, throw up once he finished prodding me. ( It went something like this: Does this hurt? Yes. This? Yes. How about now? Ow!! *vomit*). Sorry, just realised that might be too much information. But I've typed it now, and I dislike deleting. He did say that it's higher than my ovaries, so not a burst cyst (good), but part of my digestive track is protruding (bad). I don't even know what protruding means? Sticking out? Bloated?

So, that's my weekend homework. 1. Go to get a bazillion tests done. Oh, and 2. finish my draft of my thesis to send to my supervisor on Sunday night. Oh, and 3. a practice file for Civil Lit, and 4. draft a will for C&E, and 5. a probate application, and 6. visit my mum, and 7. grandma, and 8. nan, and 9. catch up with an OS friend flying in Sunday night. And of course this year we have 2 mother's days - 10. D's mum is now family too. Stressful? Just a tad. Not because of the people, just because of the timing.

But, I love seeing my family. I'm sort of hoping I can just spend the weekend with my mum, D's mum, and my 2 wonderful grandmothers, and ignore everything else. We'll see...

But, now I have to go - my wonderful school friends are coming over with dinner soon (aren't they amazing? My friend AP has prepared dinner to cook and bring over, and CS is coming with drinks, and D & his friend H are bringing over nibbles, and all I have to do is enjoy the company and not be on my own. Heavenly) - so I have to make this unit look less like a blankets-and-textbooks-explosion and more like a home!

xxx

ps: those little tests are amazing! They change colour and make patterns and the tip goes hot pink! Nice touch.

Who Wears Short Shorts?

I wore short shorts! ... and what a mistake that was.

I just got back in from my c25k w2d1 run walk as per my promise to Elisha, and it was harder than expected. But oh so good. And I ran so much futher than last time I did week 2, remember how last time I was finishing my cool down walk through the golf course when Short Round Retired Man told me I could keep going, so I ran to the bridge? This time I ran to the bridge before getting to the cool down phase of the run. I ran! I soared! I had fantastic form! I have incredibly sore legs!

I did stop a few times in the last 3 runs as The Pain came back up - because I still don't know what it is (more on last night's hospital visit in a sec) I didn't want to push to hard and rupture anything, unlikely though that may be.

But, back to the short shorts.

I swear, I have reverse body dysmorphic disorder - I have these days where I think I look just amazing. Now, don't get me wrong - I don't think I'm ridiculously hideous or that I can't look beautiful. I'm yet to meet a girl who doesn't look beautiful when she takes care of herself, let alone any girl who looks terribly ugly. But sometimes I wake up feeling super-glamorous. Like this morning. I was blown away by my ridiculously long legs, felt really in proportion - I felt like a size 8. Now, I do have very long legs (I'm 5'8, all of me is pretty long. When I'm thin I'm quite lanky), and I'm fairly well proportioned. But size 8?? I'm double that size. My BMI is overweight. I'm 86.9kg this morning! But I wasn't bloated - after all I haven't eaten that much the last few days thanks to The Pain.

So, I think to myself, I say, why not wear short running shorts?

I bought these little shorts when I got married. At the same time the Myers near my house closed down and everything became ridiculously cheap (the peach dress in the photo 2 posts earlier? $12.50). They're short, with pink stripes down the side and mini reflector panels for night running (ha! I actually thought I'd be a night runner!) and a teeny pocket for your key. They're quite cute. But they're short.

It started out ok, off I went on my walk, in my short shorts, semi-aware that my thighs touched just below where the shorts come to. And then I start running. And the shorts get shorter, and shorter, and shorter. My big white thighs were pulling my shorts up!

So I'm in this funny half-run-half-gait-style, shorts bunching, hands furiously pulling the shorts down, big white inner thighs flapping in the wind. Not the look I was originally going for! I must have amused everyone I ran past with my ridiculous run-pull-yank-run-flap-kick-to-the-side-pull-run routine. I certainly got some funny looks!

But I made it, and I felt good for it. And I have been reinspired to Lose Enough Weight That My Thighs Don't Touch.

A long legged shorts photo from Summer (07/08)

....

In other news, last night once D got home and had something to eat, we decided to go find a medical centre. We dropped by my parents to get my medicare card, but it was after 10pm and everywhere was closed. Of course, dropping by my parents meant they had a chance to get more concerned and convinced D to take me to the local hospital because it's probably appendicitis and my appendix could burst any second! Although not before my dad had the chance to ask if this was referred pain from not wanting to do my thesis! So, off we go, me saying "this is dumb, I should go to a dr tomorrow, it's not an emergency, we're just going to spend the night in a waiting room" etc etc.

Plus, because I'm in my mum's trakkies and D's hoodie with my flip flops and hair tied up loosely I figure they'll just think I'm a bum. (I'm in my mum's trakkies cause when we went to get the medicare card she declared my trakkies were too ratty to wear out and I had to change! oh she's cute)

Anyway, we get there. I sign some form saying I've read some Election Choice pamphlet and had it explained to me (which I never saw - this is a real sign I'm sick. Signing something I disagree with, the lawyer in me balked, but I just wanted it over with) and having rolled eyes from the clerk lady, who then refused to believe D and I were married as my medicare card is still in my maiden name and has my dad as the emergency contact. So what, our wedding rings are for some grand charade we decided to play on her in the emergency ward? Seriously. So she's to D "how do you know her?" and D's like "she's my wife" and she's like "no, really, how do you know her" ... grrr - so sure we're young, but I don't think he'd have had the same reaction with blonde hair and blue eyes.

Then we go to triage. And this is where I knew I'd feel like an inconvenience, and I do.

Nurse (N): what's wrong?
Me (M): I have a pain, here, on the left side of my abs
N: can you describe it to me?
M: it's sharp and shooting, it comes and goes. when it comes I sometimes have to crouch down, and I get very nauseous and dizzy. it's like a cramp, but sharper. when it's not as bad, like now, it's still sore and really hurts to touch but it's not as bad.
N: how long have you had this pain?
M: a few days, since the weekend?
N: when on the weekend?
M: well, I felt unwell Thursday, and it started coming on Friday. By Saturday it was really bad.
N: did you go to the hospital then?
M: No
N: (rolls eyes) a chemist?
M: No
N: (rolls eyes) GP?
M: No, my husband's been out all day and night and I didn't want to drive dizzy (plus I dont like the doctor and never want to go, but I didn't say this bit)
N: so, a week later you're in emergency (rolls eyes). What pain killers are you taking?
M: none
N: (rolls eyes) so it's not actually hurting?
M: it's hurting, I just don't take pain killers, I sleep (I don't take them ever, even after the car accident when the vertebrae in my neck were dislocated I didn't take them. Pain makes me fall asleep and pain killers never seem to make a difference, and I'm too scared I'll take too many after one experience years ago taking way too many tablets because I couldn't feel the one before working)
N: I see (rolls eyes). Are you pregnant?
M: (mind flashes back to recent post - omg, I'm pregnant! I knew I should have peed on a stick!) no, I don't think so
N: you're not or you don't think so?
M: I don't think so
N: Do. You. Have. Sex.
M: yes...
N: (rolls eyes) so - maybe.
M: ok, maybe (getting frustrated now)
N: mutters under her breath, something that sounds suspiciously like 'dumbass'
N: sit on the green chairs, a doctor will see you eventually. it's busy.
M: (looks at the waiting room. completely empty except for me. No doubt it's busy inside but can't someone just come and tell me I can go home and see my GP tomorrow?)

Several hours later, after sleeping on terrible plastic green chairs not being seen, we just leave.

Now, I know that nurses do a fabulous job, and I've been to emergency when it was an emergency (like after the car accident), and I know that I am fine and would have been fine just seeing a GP. But the eye rolling! And it DID hurt - it DOES hurt - it's hurt so much I've vomited and been crouched on the floor, damnit. And last time I had this pain in this place the doctor thought it was an ectopic pregnancy (it wasn't, thank God) but thats not something you play around with.

I know she was probably working a ridiculously long shift on ridiculously low pay and had better things to do with her time. But still, I felt terrible, and sore, and I didn't want to be there either. So that was my unpleasant night.

Sorry to grumble so much - I just really think she could have just said "look, I don't think anything's going to happen tonight - go home, see your GP tomorrow." That's not so hard is it?

Anyway, after all that I feel much better today. Still sore, but no crazy nausea except when I just woke up.

But I'm a bit nervous, doing some back-counting maths. Should I pee on a stick? I mean, crazy pain isn't usually a sign of pregnancy is it?

The Confession: I Weigh Almost 200 Pounds

This is the second post I've written today. But seriously, this is my 7th day in a row stuck at home (except for Saturday, I did get out then).

I'm watching Oprah, and a family just weighed in, in pounds. Lots of pounds. It's a show on decluttering a house and the connection with losing weight. Something I should do - declutter. I do tend to eat better and move more when I have a 'happy environment'. I'm very easily overwhelmed when our little unit is a junkfest, and get the guilts about leaving it in a poor state to go outdoors. Of course, that doesn't go so far as to motivate me to keep it tidy all the time, I just feel bad, curl up in the arm chair and sometimes eat icecream.

Anyway, to move towards my point, I went and checked out how much I weigh in pounds. Oh my goodness. 193.6 pounds.

ALMOST 200 POUNDS

Now, I know there are people who are summing up their weightloss journeys at just under 200 pounds, and people have lost half their weight to get to the sort of weight I am. But that's not me. This is not a weight I've come down to, it's a weight I've gone up to. And it looks a lot scarier in triple-digits. Like a dark scary evil character from a hideous movie. Ugh.

And I'm not going down a path of self-hate, I'm just waking up - but it's like I'm not waking up from a nightmare, I'm waking into a nightmare.

And I want it reversed. I've been thinking most of the day that I want it reversed.

So why did I eat icecream for lunch? Seriously - this is what I've eated today.

Breakfast: a mandarin, a banana, a small tub of yoghurt. Over about 90 minutes.

Lunch: 4 spoons of icecream eaten out of a rice bowl, with lots of choc-mint ice magic on top.

Mmm.. gotta love that unbalanced calorie-fest.

No kidding. No wonder I'm overweight. I'm still just eating because I'm so bored and sick of being at home and deprived of human company. The lowest part of being sick - seriously, yesterday I was waking as D left, and saw him for about 25 minutes yesterday before falling asleep again. Today will probably be the same. So what do I do while I'm awake? Eat! Auugghhh.

*Frustration*

I don't like being sick right now, I don't like having two chins, I don't like running out of breath, I don't like not wanting to shop for clothes, I don't like stressing about going out socially with people, I don't like my flappy pudding arms, I don't like my resolutions to start tomorrow start tomorrow start tomorrow, I don't like that even my eyelids are fat.

I feel more than double the weight I want to be, but if I lose half my weight I'll be 44kg, and that's ridiculous. Sometimes I feel like the very obese people whose blogs I read, who have that much weight to lose, have it easier - they can get results easiler, and they can make great claims like losing half their weight. Now I know that it's never that easy to lose weight - but seriously, the start of the journey seems to be easier, because once you're that overweight, cutting portion sizes and half hour walks will make a big difference. And it gets hard as you go on, but I feeling like I want to whine. And I want to lose half my weight. I'll never be able to make that claim, and I feel like I'll never lose enough for it to be significant.

I am a wallower.

And I think I should give away our TV. Too much of anything is not good for the soul.

x

Ce-le-brate Good Times, C'mon!

Congratulations to everyone!

In the last 24 hours I've found out:

• 2 very good friends of mine are engaged! (at last, hehe!)
• my cousin and his wife are having a baby! (a wonderful surprise for us and them - they only got married in December!)
• my friend from work is engaged!

Ok, it's not everyone, but that's a lot of good news! I also have so many friends getting married, well, about 5 couples, and another good school friend who's booked (with her bf) where she wants to get married (but no ring yet - still, that's gotta count as an engagement, non?)

It's all a bit exciting for little ol' me! I feel like I should be announcing a pregnancy to keep up! I'm half considering meandering down to a chemist, buying a little stick and peeing on it, just to double check I'm not next for exciting announcements.

In other news I'm still at home and still a bit sore. This makes it a week. So I'm going to get The Pain checked out tonight. My poor belly. It's spread right across my abs which is unpleasant. It's also made me very not hungry. Yesterday I ate almost 3 scoops of ice-cream: to make up my calories! I'm aiming at 1550 calories a day, thanks to calorieking's assessment of what I should eat to lose weight, and I wasn't even close yesterday. Thank goodness for icecream!! I knew it was good for me :)

Ok ok, I didn't actually need to eat the icecream, but I figured it's not often that it fits into my day, I was going to make the most of it.

..........

In other news, D's gotten to the point where he's thinking of leaving his job to go work in retail for the rest of the year then go back to uni next year. I really just want him to be happy, and would totally support him in whatever he does, but I can't help thinking he's just a teeny bit over qualified to work in a CD store - he has a degree and almost 2 years in a huge international company behind him - I don't know how to encourage him to try a new office before throwing in the whole industry, but at the same time, if he really thinks he'd love it then I think he should.

I just can't help thinking that he'd love to run a TKD studio more than anything, so that's what we should try and work towards. I don't know. Sigh.

Ok, inspired by Elisha, here's some photos from my camera :) They're not as recent, but photos are for sharing :)

D & a friend at a fancy hat tea party

My lovely law-school friends (plus 2 of our boys!)

Two girls from school I used to sharehouse with, celebrating at D's birthday picnic. Love them!

On our honeymoon, we had to have the tourist shot!

Oh what a feeling!
This is maybe my fave photo I've ever taken! And it's a film camera, not digital!
(It's D, on our honeymoon)

Aaah, memory lane :)

xx

ps: I went and picked up my prize yesterday. I was so excited! I've given D the chocolate and other edible parts, and am looking forward to my new make up and crabtree & evelynn products. But the best part is definitely the ceramic hair curler. But it's not working on my hair?? Oh well, it's currently working like a straightener, I can be happy with that :)

So Far So Good

Hi! I just got home from my jog/run/c25k w1d2 - another half an hour out with 60 second runs alternated with 90 second walks. It was quite easy - although I started with singlet, t-shirt and hoody, and ended up with the hoody around my waist. Which involved half running, half walking, while combating D's oversized hoodie to pull out my arms and then wrap it messily around my waist, trying to look semi-chic. Hehe, I didn't get the chic bit, but it did end up around my waist :)

There's one part of the track I run where I'm running next to the river, with some really nice houses on my right side, river on the left, and beautiful big trees giving shade as I go. It's only a small part (after all this is Inner City Sydney!) but those few minutes are really nice to run through.

My other favourite part of today's track was when I was running back through part of the end of the run, and slowed to the last 5 minutes walk, I go through a golf course. And one of the guys, a short happy looking man, was like "keep running! you can keep going!" in a very encouraging way. So I ran up over a bridge and back into the park, for some of my cool down time. Granted, as soon as I was out of his sight I pretty much walked again, but I felt like he had faith in me! You've got to find encouragement where it comes :)

Then walking home from where I finished (as I can't do 5k in 30 minutes yet!) I listenned to the first few songs from Colbie Collait's album Coco - very nice walking music (not enough angst to run to, actually no angst at all, but it's good to cool down walk to).

I'm quite pleased with the run/walk and I'm looking forward to the third one.

...

On the food side, well, I haven't been hungry since I've had this Pain (which is a bit better today) but I've been trying to eat. Yesterday I managed breakfast, no lunch, then ordered in thai for dinner for me and D - I ate some which is good. Today I've managed 2 glasses of OJ (one before running, one after), and I picked at some of the prawn crackers left over from yesterday, thankfully there weren't that many left! And I've got a big bottle of cold water sitting here with me, staring me down, so I'll drink that, in fact I might have a glass now!

Meanwhile, I don't think it's good to stay at home as much as I have been. Especially in our little 1 bedroom unit that's 7 big steps wide and 11 big steps long (ish) - total. Yikes! This morning I didn't even want to get out of bed and face the day at home - I'm home from work still feeling dizzy and sore - but I love D, he just came and ate his special K in bed while I lay there whinging about the day ahead, and he stroked my head. On a tangent, this is the one thing I love about being sick - when I was little and I was sick my mum used to cuddle me and stroke my hot head with her cool hand. The first time I was sick when we were married I was like a little kid again "is my head hot? is it hot? feel it, I know it's hot" and D was all "I don't need to feel it - I can see you're sick!" so I had to take him back down memory lane with me, and now when I'm sick he'll give me a cuddle and feel my hot head with his cool hand.

Anyway, today I'm determined to get out of this unit! Operation Part One: Drive Dave to Station was a success. Operation Part Two: Do c25k run was another success! Operation Part Three: Drive to Domayne and Collect Prize* is about to be started. Ideally without me falling asleep again. I don't know if anyone else gets this, but when I get sick, all I want to do is sleep. But enough is enough - I'm reclaiming my days.

xx

*I won a prize! I never win prizes! From a magazine too (check out SW Magazine via google) - and it comes with a hair curler ceramic thing too!

Not So Good at Mondays

Lately I've been very blah. I haven't actually done anything productive since about Wednesday last week, when I was at work. Thursday I slept in and watched TV because I felt I needed the break - I even made plans to meet up with a friend at uni to study but then stood him up. Which is pretty bad. Then Friday I started feeling sick so had a very very lazy day.

On Saturday I went for my morning run to meet my friend which was actually quite good and I did it in 30 minutes rather than the 45 I was expecting (although 4km is really not very far - 45 mins would be a slow walking pace!) but when we got home I felt really sick. I've been getting dizzy and nauseous lately, and I have A Pain under my left hip that comes and goes. When it comes it just makes me feel awful. So I was feeling pretty ordinary - but by the time we got to our meeting at 2pm I was really feeling bad. I was dizzy and couldn't read or concentrate - I ended up falling asleep. Luckily I made it to the break then asked the guys wife if I could lie down. She took my upstairs to their room, which was hard when the world was spinning, and I lay down and crashed out. D came and woke me about about 2.5 hours later to go home, and I slept in the car on the way home.

Then I felt better and we went to a 21st which was fun, and I was ravenous - I just wanted to eat! So I ate some food, but not too much, and talked to people and did the party thing. I even danced very briefly. Then we came home and I crashed, I very nearly fell asleep in my clothes (after a nap on the way home in the car) but at least managed to brush my teeth!

Sunday D left without waking me and I slept in until about 11am, and then went to go get something to eat. By the time I got to the kitchen the Pain was so sharp I doubled over and almost fell down. It really really really hurt. I almost called D to come home and thought about calling 000 incase it was appendicitis. But I got to the couch and it felt a bit better. Anyway, I spent all Sunday reading blogs - especially the archives of Dietgirl, but had to take breaks because I was getting all dizzy again.

I didn't do hardly any thesis work.

Today I feel a bit better, but I haven't gone in to uni. I just don't want to - I feel 'toxic' and unwell, and very fluey in an achey way, but not a clogged up way. Maybe I'm just allergic to hard work?

But then, part of me thinks "I'm an Honours Law Student with a Big Firm job! I'm not Just Lazy, damnit, I've worked hard to get here!" but at the same time I just feel so sick and dizzy. Sigh.

And yesterday D got upset, because he's been amazing trying to give me space to write my thesis and get it done, including cooking, grocery shopping, bringing home lunch, etc, and I hadn't done anything. After that I took the laptop to bed and didn't a little bit of work there, but today is really going to have to be Hard Work Day.

I'm thinking to celebrate I might go for a run. Then try and rustle up a friend to work with. All this time on my own is not good for my head.

....

In other more weight-related news, I've joined up to CalorieKing, and I'm tracking my food and exercise there. It's a lot like ww points, but using calories instead. It even has space for an in-house blog and forums etc. Has anyone who reads this ever used it? I'd be keen to hear some feedback.

I'm using the scales at home to weigh myself, with Saturday Morning being my WI day - this week it was 88kg - yikes! Heavier than when I started ww! But this morning it was already 87.1 - so I think I was still full from the night before. Anyway, my first mini-goal is to get to 85kg so here goes! It also gives me a neat 30kg to lose. Jeeeee that's daunting. But after reading all these posts of people who are now half their size (!!) I feel like I can give it a good go and lose the weight.

Ok, Study Time!! Call a Friend Time!! and Run Time!! - in reverse order.

xx

My Outdoor Gym

So, exercise is integral to weightloss. Exercise is very integral to my weight loss - especially morning exercise. Then I have that goofy glow all morning of I Did Something For Me and when faced with scrumptious calorie packed temptations, I can Smile And Say No Thankyou much more easily. Even if it's Evening Exercise, I am more likely to be better during the day, knowing that I don't want to waste that exercise session just on the junk I ate today.

So, I'm going to amp up my exercise. By amp up, I mean restart. "Start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. When we read we begin with A-B-C, when we jog we begin with walk-plod-walk. walk-plod-walk". Mmmm.

I've noticed on lots of people's posts & blogs, including DietGirl's - as I read my way through the archives identifying the whole way - that gym routines play a big roll in most people's weightloss. But here's the thing, I don't go to a gym. I have big plans of going to a Shiny City Gym next year when I'm working FT in the heart of the city, but in the meantime, it doesn't fit the budget. And there's no where in Sydney I'm at 3 days a week, so it would involve extra travel, which would suck. So, I am going to create my very own My Outdoor Gym.



My Outdoor Gym has no membership fees. But, if you feel you need to pay money to stay dedicated, you can pay it into a container in your room, then as you lose the weight you also make savings to spend on luxurious treats as you reach your weightloss and fitness goals (or sexy new workout gear, seeing as mine is trakkies I bought in Big W and old t-shirts!)



My Outdoor Gym has a wide range of cardiovascular machines. Your Legs are a favourite with many participants, walking and running, or combinations thereof are known to be very successful in weightloss and improved fitness. Other options include skipping, beach swimming, backwards walking (not for the coordinately impaired), swinging, monkey bars, soccer, football, frisbee, dogwalking, and games with friends.



My Outdoor Gym also has a wide range of weights based activities. Pushups, Squats, Lunges, That Thing They Do On Biggest Loser Where They Lie Down On Their Stomach Then Jump Up Then Repeat, Carrying Soup Cans, and Pushing On Things.

Naturally, Stretching and Toning Exercises are also included.



My Outdoor Gym not only caters for your health through exercise, but also allows a good dosing of Vitamin D as you enjoy the sunlight, although exercise between the hours of 11am and 2pm are not recommended in the Australian Sun.



My Outdoor Gym can be conducted anywhere outdoors, and most activities can be accomplished even when Indoors.

Today's Activities at My Outdoor Gym include a 'run' to The Meeting Place to meet a friend. We're both running from our own homes - mine's about 4km away - and then meeting up for a drink, then going back home. It's part of our We Want To Run But Don't Want Anyone To See Us Running Yet program! I'm allowing 45 minutes, expecting to do a lot of walking in that time!

After that we have another India Meeting this afternoon, and a 21st tonight - as well as invitations to a dinner party and to a night of Bowling in the City and French Riviera Icecream (the MOST AMAZING ICECREAM EVER), but I'm hoping we're only going to do the 21st and bail on the rest to allow for some more study time.

I'm Not Giving Up!

Not Giving Up.

ok, so I just said I was going to be AWOL for a while, and I've been so down about not losing the weight on ww - not bc of ww, but bc I haven't been actually following the program. But, after reading through Jo's blog and Elisha's blog and having a good read through DietGirl from the beginning of her journey, it hit me again - it works. Eating better food and moving more works. You just have to do it. And not give up.

So I'm going to keep at it. I've been a real slug lately - staying indoors watching tv or making half-arsed attempts at studying, and I've been eating a lot, and not well. For example, today I've had banana on bread, watermelon, followed by prawns, followed by chocolate, followed by wine. Delicious, but not exactly a healthy way to eat through the day. So I'm going to make a better effort than than. It worked when I was signed up to ww and following, so it'd better work now.

And I'm going to keep weighing. And I'm going to keep putting up my weight, and staying honest.

Which I guess means starting now - having been MIA for a while, beware, but I'll jump on now and let you know in a sec.... going to scales... standing on scales... reeling in shock!.... 87.6kg.

My new starting weight. Round it up to 88kg and I have a tidy 30kg to lose to get to my personal goal. That's humungous. But, I won't be the first person to do it.

In other news, I got my exam timetable - 10 June & 12 June are the scary exam days. Not to mention the thesis is due on 23 May and there's 2 assessments due before then.

Bring it.

Friday - hooray!

Ooh, it's good that it's Friday now!

My latest wish-list item is a ghd hair straightener, that would be so great!

that's all :)

MIA

I haven't blogged in a while. I wrote a post all about how I felt, but I haven't published it - I think it might be a bit too raw. But it was good to write.

I've been working and studying in the last little while - it's now 1 May and the thesis is due on 23rd!! I've also been working and seeing lots of friends, which is nice.

I pulled out of ww, I just wasn't sticking at it and I need to wait until I have the headspace to. Not that I'm going to stop watching what I eat and do - I just know I'm not following the program and I don't want to pay knowing I'm not committed to it. I know that's slack, but it's where I am right now. And we're going to India in July so money's kind of tight.

Anyway, I'll keep coming back and posting, after I get through the thesis!

xx